Fear, worry, weakness and leaning in on God…

Dont fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine

Isaiah 43:1

I have been worried a lot lately. I am worried about finishing college right now. All I want to do is quit. I am frozen with fear. I don’t feel like I am capable or smart enough and I fear my future. I worry about what I will do when my folks die and I am alone, with no home. I worry I will not be able to care for myself. I worry I will go through another bad depression or hospitalization. I worry I am not doing enough for God. I worry why I don’t have any real friends and what that says about me. I worry about not caring about things enough. I worry that there is something intrinsically wrong with me. Not just that I am a sinner but that I can’t really seem to get ahead in life. I am always a step behind. I feel like I am always losing my grasp.

You know, God actually commands us not to fear, or worry. The phrase “fear not” is used at least 80 times in the Bible, most likely because He knows the enemy uses fear to decrease our hope and limit our victories. I think about this at night when I can’t sleep. Am I disobeying God for fighting him so much with my own fear? Maybe, but He knows I am weak and that I depend on Him for everything. I am broken. Yet He still loves me.

My weakness displayed in fear is my own kind of limp that keeps me leaning on God like Jacob had to after his hip was dislocated in his wrestle with God himself (Genesis 32). I wrestle too with God and have to be reminded that he is my strength; that I need not worry. Does every limp in your life remind you of your weakness?  Does it make you conscious of the evil within you?  Does it bring to bear upon your conscious mind that which you fear in your personal life? It does me but I know God blesses us when we are broken and the earlier we learn this great spiritual principle, the better off we are in life.

When the God of Jacob is our refuge, He puts His hand on us to teach us spiritual lessons, to wound us, cripple us, in order to have us depend on Him more. I need to remember this and know that my weakness is made perfect in God. I need to put aside my worries, fear not and know that He is there. I don’t need any false securities. After all, God’s got this, right?

Published by: jeni

I am a person who loves Jesus Christ more than anything. I also suffer with Schizoaffective disorder. These two things run tandem in my life and I could not deal with the latter without the former. My complete trust in God will help me through anything. I believe this 100%. Trials come and go but the Lord is omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. What more could I ask for? I am blessed by my redeemer. Through thick and thin I know in my soul that God’s got this.

1 Comment

One thought on “Fear, worry, weakness and leaning in on God…”

  1. I am the same way. Even though I believe wholeheartedly in God and His sovereignty, I still find myself worrying all the time. It is a bad habit that I pray He will help me break. I never consciously doubt His ability to care for me or my loved ones. It is an insidious kind of thing that just creeps in, almost without me realizing it. I pray that we would get beyond this place of worry and experience the fullness of letting go and trusting in Him. Thanks for posting! This really spoke to me.

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